DONG DONG QIANG GONG XI FA CAI MOTHERFUCKERS IT’S THE YEAR OF THE FIRE HORSE and you know what that means, you qipao VIXENS It’s time to gallop into your AHGONG and AHMA’s hearts with your SLICKEST mandarin oranges and your most shameless sweet-talk in PERFECT Mandarin Because this year we’re doing SPEED, CONFIDENCE, and “mǎ dào chéng gōng” energy, baby Keep your nails fresh , your smile dangerous , and your pockets ready to lasso the THICCEST HONGBAOS Like, clip-clop straight to the red packet table and act innocent while you loot politely Get your ssssecret love notes ready for your 大哥’s spicy 红包 aura (respectfully) and don’t forget to flirt-charm your relatives with peak “I miss you sooo much” acting Snack like a menace on BAKKWA and summon BIG HORSE HONGBAO BLESSINGS Send this to of your MOST FEROCIOUS STABLE-RAIDING HOTMESS FRIENDS and manifest a WILD LION DANCE this CNY If you get - replies, your bakkwa will taste like disappointment If you get -, your 年年有 becomes 年年有 and your aunties start calling you “very capable” If you get + back, you’ll be neighing HUAT AH all year